today

It only took the sound of a lightly-played piano at midnight to cause my heart to stop and ruminate on my own complacency. I've been waiting for this heavenly interjection for months on end. I'd forgotten of the aches that accompany refinement;however, I'd rather feel sad than unclean. I'd rather see a light at the end of the tunnel than find myself fixed in the midst of strange company. I'm ready to accept grace again. I want to rise early and spend time with my Divine on a consistent basis. I want to exercise my intellect as well as my body. I want to literally lock myself in my room and paint for hours on end again. I pray that my thoughtfulness might be restored; that my contemplative spirit might reign more prominent than my impulsive tendencies. I am so weary of wishing to mean what I say; I'm ready to say what I mean and mean what falls from my lips. I long to possess a healing, safe disposition.